


All your base

by Idunn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Dubious Consent, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idunn/pseuds/Idunn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SHIELD decides to send a mission to Jupiter's moon, Io, to establish a base there. HYDRA is on the move, so it pays to be prepared.</p><p>(mostly a romantic novel, OK? Do not expect a lot of action. Maybe if I have anybody wanting to know what is happening below the surface)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The tale of a not very remarkable person, special in her own way.  
> This is wish fulfillment, people. I wrote this, for NanoWrimo, but, of course, it is too short. I think still have some value. 
> 
> It reads as a reader-insert; there are some names in there, just ignore them. 
> 
> English is not my first language, I'll be thankful if someone wants to proofread this for me. 
> 
> Just 4 chapters and is already finished, so...  
> I will update soon.

I unwrapped the package. It was meticulously folded until it was a tiny bitty square, like my mom said it will be. Another package, this one a little bigger and vacuum packed, was waiting for me in the bed.  
But I needed to see this one first.  
When I took away all the plastic and unfolded it, it was as beautiful as I remembered.  
My blue dress.  
I put it on. But my quarters were too small to enjoy the full effect of the blue dress. I looked at the clock. Just 2 hours more until I have the observation deck all to myself.  
-Natalia?- said the voice, tinny and crackled, coming from my communicator.  
-Yes, Dr. Suresh. I'll be right there!- I said, lovingly arranging the dress over the bed.  
The party could wait.

##  
It is weird, representing my country. I am smart enough to have the chance of working at the base, but not smart enough to have a specialty of my own. I'm kind like a jack of all trades. Got a background in law, history, psychology, and I could assist Dr. Suresh in his research. But I know I'm not special enough. Not like others.  
Lieutenant Colonel Parkman, Dr. Suresh's husband, was kind of like myself. He is a military man, even if he was out of the service and was only reinstated as the Security Chief for the Io base, as the means of assuring Dr. Suresh's collaboration with the project.(This is a secret, please don't tell!) But he is a good man. 

No, I don't have a crush on him! It doesn't matter what everyone says. Yes, I have a kink for people in uniforms, but that's all.

He and Dr. Suresh kind of adopted me. I miss my family and they know it. We have tea at least one time a week, where we talk about anything that is not work. Or at least we tried to keep it that way! 

I assist Dr. Suresh with his experiments most of the time. And sometimes, another scientists too, because personal is a very hot commodity in our little base, with our limited space. Every M2 at our little base signifies millions in technology, fuel and equipment. Our housing situation is...  
Think of anchovies.

This means that everyone here knows each other really well, living in so close quarters.

Fitzsimmons are one of a kind too. They complement each other. I clean their lab, most of the time, when they deemed necessary. This is not my favorite thing, but I need to be useful.  
I learned not to touch anything that is not labeled, for one, after one week of severe bedrest with a killer flu strain. Could you believe that Simmons created a mutated strain of H1N1 with no cure. NO CURE!? Who devotes her time to create a killer virus with no cure, right?  
But I am alive, so there is that.

Dr. Banner is another odd one. He specializes in gamma radiation, so I really don't understand his work. But he is nice, soft spoken and always share his books, so I really like him.

And Skye, as our telecommunications expert, is the most fun at base. When she is not occupied talking to his boyfriend in secure military channels, she smuggles the last data from home: namely, books, films and music. The transmission are not as slow as when we first inhabited the base, but the priorities are the mission, as always. So being friendly with Skye is a survival trait, at least if you don't want to kill somebody of boredom alone.

Of course there are others, like Sam and Bucky and Steve, and a handful of other military grunts that are here not in a military capacity but as guinea pigs. There are some, like Antoine and Mack, who are not just military but engineers too. They are here as scientists. But sometimes it gets too stuffy, with all the military ranks an whatnot.

Natasha is the Russian representative. I don't know if somebody knows what she does up here. I certainly do not. Maybe the Director does.

OMG, Director Coulson. 

Blue eyes, light brown hair with a receding hairline. Nice smile. Big and gentle hands. And I know that his hands are gentle because when I got sick wit the killer flu, he and Dr. Banner carried me to my bed. OMG, I am so crushing on him! But a girl can dream, isn't it?

But today is about me! My birthday was almost two months ago, but tonight is the night. Having Matt on my side makes things easier sometimes.  
And I will finally have the chance to eat cake, dance to my favourite songs in my best dress while looking at the stars. 

Tonight is the night.

##  
You're the one I follow  
Follow to the middle  
Middle of the shadows  
Far away from all the sorrows 

You're the one I follow  
Follow all the way oh  
Way into the darkness,  
Where the sun is shining yellow 

You're the one I follow  
Follow to the middle  
Middle of the shadows  
Far away from all the sorrows  
You're the one I follow  
Follow all the way oh  
Way into the darkness,  
Where the sun is shining yellow i

I am dancing. I feel like in the top of the world, quite literally. The dress fits my body like a glove, and i feel the softness of the fabric and its cool touch in my skin; like being surrounded by a raincloud.  
Yes, I am somewhat drunk.  
My mom send me a tinny bottle of peach liquor and some nut cake. I have drunk the liquor and consumed the cake, feeling the distance that separates us as an unsurmountable void. I have at least another three years at base, least a severe health ailment like the killer flu forced Director Coulson to send me home. I hope not. I am very sad because I love my family, but this is one on a million chance. 

I close my eyes and my body sways with the music.

The door swishes open.

Director Coulson enters.  
-Oh my god, I'm sorry. I forgot somebody had reserved the Observation Deck tonight.- he said, taking in my appearance.  
I blushed, hard. I tried to cover myself, unsuccessfully, because my others clothes were all in the floor. I was pretty naked under that dress. 

I had no bra on.

Like a genuine gentleman, he turned his back on me as I put my pants on. I didn't take the dress off; just threw my jacket on top and laced my sneakers.  
I got out of there like my hair was on fire.  
He never said a word.

Later, when I lain in my bed at my quarters, I blushed as I remembered how he should have saw me: disheveled, semi-naked, hair wild and tipsy. What a mess. I was sure that the next cargo ship will have a capsule with my name on it.

But no capsule was in the ship manifesto.

And the Director didn't acknowledged that something has happened. Of course, I strive for perfection. But I could feel his eyes dead set on me every time he checked Dr. Suresh's laboratory for progress. Or if we had to take the same lift somewhere. Or if I had kitchen duty, the food was always a touch too salty or a touch too spicy... my concentration was shoot to hell. The man had me walking on eggshells.

Until the incident in the Zen garden.

##  
The Zen garden is Dr. Banner's domain. His point of pride, so to speak. It has a majority of local stones and some sand from the indigenous terrain, but some details, like the pond (with no fishes, sadly) and the origami tree (a tree made of folded paper; Natasha helped him with it. Maybe she is a designer, who knows?) are things that help us remember that we are the strangers at this place. Sometimes the most familiar stuff makes you remember how far you are from home.

Anyway, I can't remember why I was at the Zen garden. Maybe delivering something, like Fitzsimmons often make me do; the thing is that Stark and Dr. Banner where there having a very heated discussion. I wasn't privy to the details; they say that a concussion could affect my short-term memory. The last thing I remember clearly was feeling my head wet, a headache, and a very green thing bellowing to the sky. Later, my room and some dressing very tick over my left brown, and Director Coulson looking at me from the door. I am not sure if that part is not a dream.

It must have been a dream.

I distinctively remember grabbing his face between my hands and kissing him; not like a friendly, chaste kiss; more like a full of passion kiss.

I really hope it was just a dream.


	2. Chapter 2

##  
incident#ib2023-0046-mdr  
date#ed-2023724711  
mission report: (extra-official, Nick. I will make an official report later. Too much shit right now.) Dr. Banner and Dr. Stark had a domestic, following a failed experiment, in the zen garden. Dr. Stark (who has to learn to keep his hands to himself in regards of Dr. Banner personal space, that man is a menace) poked and prodded at Dr. Banner till it triggered the Hulk Reaction.(It was not the first time, one could start to think the man does it on porpouse.) Severe damage to the zen garden, three injured, not including Dr. Banner himself, because the only damage to him apparently was a severe migraine; it was almost 100 days without a Hulk incident. The assistant tecnician of Dr. Suresh suffered a severe concussion and that was the worst of the injuries thank God. I recommend to suspend Dr. Stark's clearance for at least a week and to take at least three months of pay to go to the rebuilding of the damaged areas. (Are we paying him, Nick? If not, he will have to cut us a check anyway; this kind of insulated glass is expensive!)  
Addendum: I will need a more extensive background check for Dr. Suresh's assistant, Ms. Bongiovanni. We did check for HYDRA associations, isn't is? Please send, adequately encrypted, in the next data-burst. I need to check. And it will not hurt to check all of them, just in case. Please indulge me, I know I'm getting paranoid in my old age, Nick, but we are friends, yes? Thank you.

##

I had almost two days in bed and four days of restricted duty; Matt is almost like a dog with a bone sometimes. He and Mohinder are downright mothering me and, even when I'm grateful that someone is there to help me o the bathroom and to bring me stuff, I am starting to think they need a pet of some sort.   
So, Matt checked wether I was taking my light duty seriously. I had a lot of downtime between my hands, and a lot of time to worry. But not too much.  
It must have been a dream.  
I say that because Director Coulson himself was in my room not two hours before, asking about my health, friendly looking and everything. So it must have been a dream.  
Maybe I will ask Stark to make Mohinder and Matt some sort of mechanical pet; after all, he owes me. And he must be going crazy, if Skye is in the right and he has no clearance to keep with his experiments for the next week.

And no one could have been that cool after that kind of kiss, I'm sure.

I really need something to do. I'm going crazy.

##

An expedition is underway.  
Fitzsimmons are really excited after the discovery of some ruins on the planet. The expedition is going to be composed by them, Bucky, Mack and Dr. Banner. Tony and me will be looking at them with the envy that the situation deserves, as we are not going; he because is in the corner at least till Sunday, and I, after my checkup with Mohinder, was ordered to keep with the light duty for at least two days more. I think he is a mother hen, but he is my physician too, so I have to go with everything he says.   
So, here we are, in Tony's room, but after all the banter and the innuendo, at least he is doing what I asked of him and is designing some sort of pet for Matt and Mohinder. It looks kind of like a bird.  
I am looking at Tony right now, and he is really gorgeous. In a rakish way. I think if I ask, he will take me to his bed. And is so close. I'm tempted. 

But no. He is nice, and I want to keep it that way. Sex muddles work dynamics, and I never had the best track for one night stands. And with Tony, I think that's the only kind of sex you could have. 

And, of course, he is not the one I really want.

I'm kind of a flirt; I flirt with everyone. But, most of the time, I won't really meant it. it's kind of a fun thing to do. Like with Bucky and Steve.   
I like flirting with Steve because he is adorable, and always proper. So, this means that I say things, sometimes outrageously dirty stuff, and he blushes. And runs. I think if he answers to my flirting, that will be the day I will have to run myself.   
And I flirt with Bucky because he is fun. He always gives as good as he gets. And at this place, is something to do. 

Of course, I have never flirted with Director Coulson. The man terrifies me. And intrigues me too. He exudes this kind of ... I don't know, confidence? This aura of competence around him, you know is the kind of man that could do anything he wants, if he puts his mind to it.  
I will like to be. He could do me, if he wants to.  
But! This means that I freeze every time I am around him. Sometimes, at dinnertime, I make some lame joke. And he always laugh, of course. Because he is a gentleman.   
But I avoid him. I don't like to see something I could not have.

##  
I have kitchen duty tonight, with Dr. Banner. He has been very friendly until the zen garden incident. Since then, our working relationship is OK, but he doesn't look out for me in the rec room to talk like before, or ask what I am reading right now.   
Anyway, tonight we were making some fritattas and salad for dinner. It is a very relaxing task, all the washing and the chopping. But I miss our little talks. Is sad.  
I think he feels guilty, but I wouldn't blame him for it. It is something that he has to live with, something he has not chosen for himself.   
So, we keep on chopping and dicing.  
Otherwise, the atmosphere is pretty ... loud.

Fitzsimmons are very busy talking about everything they found at the site and some artifacts that they digged and brought to base to experiment on. All over my head, but I think that is pretty neat. Very interesting. 

Steve and Bucky are talking with Natasha and Clint, a new addition who arrived at the last shipment. It seems that the new guy has a serious fascination with weapons, and is here to assist Stark to develop them. Mohinder is in a very involved conversation with Fitzsimmons, Matt next to him hand in hand. Tony is talking to Director Coulson. 

In the last weeks, I have been feeling like the man is watching me, but I don't know if its «you intrigue me look» or «you are a threat look». I'm scared to find out.

I've dreaming about him. (No, not like freaky sex dreams! Okay, some of that too) But I dream of us talking, going to dinner, of meeting my parents...   
The last thing was true; 2 weeks before my deployment we had a mixer with all the mission crew and I had my family coming to said goodbye. They had the chance of shaking the Director's hand and my father got in a little conversation with him, that he was kind enough to have it in Spanish. He made a very good impression in my father.

Okay! Moving on. 

I think I'm in love. 

-So, how long have you been in love with Director Coulson?  
-What?- and of course, I chocked.  
Bruce was kind enough to get me a glass of water and he patted my back. But when the insane blush diminished, I asked him sottovoce:  
-It is so evident?  
He smiled.  
-You look at the man like he is dessert. And you always blush like mad when he talks directly to you. But, don't worry, he is a gentleman; he will never put you in the spot. No like some people...  
We looked at Tony, very busy trying flirting with Fitzsimmons. He had to get his kicks somewhere...  
I smiled at Bruce. It seemed like our relationship wasn't as compromised like I thought.

##  
Dr. Suresh audio-only report  
date#ed-2023730711  
CONFIDENTIAL  
(To be included in Philip J. Coulson's file)  
(static. Some background noise)  
-So, Phil, I know you don't want to...-  
-Dr. Suresh... Mohinder. I don't need this. I'm perfectly fine.  
(a steady beeping starts to sound in the background.)  
-You know that every member of this expedition has to have a check-over every two months. And you are overdue. It doesn't matter that you are the Director. Even more, you know you NEED a check-up!  
(some banging on metal. A swear.)  
-That thing is cold!.-  
-The eco-gel that we were supplied with is not the self-warming kind. Sorry.  
(the steady beeps continue)  
-Your heart seems in good shape.And your scars look very well. Had you had any kind of ache, wheezing, palpitations? Anything out of the norm?   
-No, and I've keeping with the medications just in case. But I would like for you to evaluate if I need it or if I could leave it.  
-Hmmm, what do you think about this: if you keep on this track, I will consider to leave it out for your next check-up.  
(beeping speeds up)  
-Are you feeling well? Your heart rate is going up.  
(a pneumatic door opens)  
-Mohinder, Jemma needs some space for her cultives and she asked me to ask you...Oh, sorry! I didn't know...-  
-Miss Bongiovanni...  
-Hi, Director.  
(beeps are steadying, but still fast.)  
-Yo... I'm sorry. I'll be... leaving.   
(pneumatic doors closes)  
-Are you OK? Sorry. I know you don't want anyone to see... I will talk to her.  
-Don't worry. I'll talk to her myself.  
(beeps slow down)

##  
OMG. I really don't need the visuals at all.  
He had that big, scary looking thing on his chest. A big ass scar.  
I did know that something had happened to him; Steve wasn't a big gossip but Bucky was. And the two of them were in Coulson's team before the Io's mission.  
Anyway, it was confidential.

I can't believe I have see the man in the flesh. The odds of him surviving that kind of injure must be... minimal. That he could had a complete recovery was astounding.   
As his chest. And his legs. And his everything!

OK, I have to come clean.  
I have been considering myself asexual. For at least three years running.   
I am a believer that human sexuality is, in most cases, a very fluid thing. So, in my 34 years of roaming this universe, I've been straight, bi, pan, and lastly, asexual. It has to be with my relationship story.  
It will suffice to say that I am very distrustful of everything that is not a vibrator.  
OMG, it sound so lame.  
But I have trust issues! So.

I've kissed Bucky. He offered and I took the chance. But he wants something else. And I'm not prepared to give it to him. I really don't trust him. He looks like a nice guy, and that he is Steve's best friend is something to take on account, because Steve would never be friend with a real douchebag.  
But I don't trust Bucky.

With Coulson, is different.   
The kind of «thing» he awakens in me is, like the butterfly thing meshed with something else. Amazement at his competence. Trust in his intentions. I just want to go to him and hug him like I'm a sloth.  
Now add three tablespoon of lust, the top-shelf kind. 

Do I need to describe it?   
The thing is, if Bruce saw, Coulson probably does too.   
I could only hope he lets me down gently. I really don't want to be humiliated.  
So, enough of my miserable love life! We have a base to run! Let's go to dinner, OK? Please?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the hits and the kudos! If somebody drops a comment, I already have the Coulson's POV for some of the incidents that are not explicit in my history. And if you like it so far, please comment! Kudos and comments are the ingredients of a healthy writer's diet!

##  
CONFIDENTIAL  
EYES ONLY  
DIRECTOR COULSON  
IDENTIFICATION 6BETASIGMMA2014834481632CHERRYBLOSSOM480548

SUBJECT: BONGIOVANNI NATALIA  
AGE: 34 YEARS  
NATIONALITY: ARGENTINEAN  
KNOW POLITICAL ASSOCIATION: LEFT WINGER («KIRCHNERISTA»)  
FAMILY: PARENTS, TOMAS & PERLA (ALIVE); SISTER, MARIA DE LOS ANGELES (ALIVE). NOT OTHER KNOW FAMILY  
CIVIL STATE: SINGLE, NO KIDS  
METAHUMAN-ABILITIES: NONE  
RECOMMENDED BY: ALEXANDER PIERCE, MARIA HILL  
RESUME: Law student, works at the Public Fiscal Ministry. Smart, well recommended by her superiors, curious, good with computers. Single after a 7 years relationship turned abusive. Introverted, loner by choice, very charming.  
Pan-sexual by her own definition. (asexual?)  
Suffers from light body dysmorphia. Passes the physical examinations, but barely.  
Not remarkable in any way.  
(Addendum: Phil, we will keep on digging, but looks like your girl is the most boring in the whole base. What are you thinking? Keep me posted. FURY)

##

I'm getting irked. Something is amiss, but I don't know what.  
Everything seems normal and is bothering me.  
Fitzsimmons keeps on being the bossy couple at the base. Almost Stark level annoying. Could be problems in paradise? Jemma seems a little off lately. I have seen her with one of the military guys, Antoine. And Leo is busy moping around the corners. Not eveng working with his hero, Tony, could console him.

At least, this unusual collaboration got me my pet earlier. The mechanical bird, who I baptized Clow, has been gifted properly to Matt and Mohinder. It is very smart apart of being cute! It could carry messages across the base, or even small objects, and it only have to take his next ten shifts in the kitchen. Not a fan of cooking, our Tony. Lucky for us, because we are not fans of his cooking. 

Today, I have kitchen duty with Steve and Coulson.   
Phil, sorry. Call me Phil, he said.  
Oh, so difficult. He smiles and I blush like mad.  
And Steve laughs.  
He knows, because I told him. He is good with secrets and I really need to talk to somebody. I begged not to tell Bucky, because that one is gossipy has hell. And in a very distant base, what could you do in the down time? I love gossip too.

For example, I think that Natasha and Clint are totally doing it. I mean, he keeps on leaving her quarters late at night or very early at morning. Very suspicious behavior.

And Leo is totally in love with Jemma. But, he has not manned up to tell her, or he told her, and he totally rejected him in favour of Antoine. 

And I am in love with Phil. Who looks at me like you look at a very intelligent puppy who knows to bring you the morning paper. I mean, smart enough to be of use, but not very remarkable. 

I have no chance, I know.  
Not a chance at all.

##  
incident#ib2023-0049-mdr  
date#ed-2023704712  
mission report: (audio + audio transcription)  
-Nick, this week my report is on audio version because... I broke my fucking arm. One of your cuties, Romanov, kicked my ass as we were training and I added to it making me look like an idiot when I landed in my arm. My right arm.   
My fucking arm, Nick! So, now I'm supposed to have a week of bed-rest and a fucking cast! How I'm supposed to keep the hounds at bay now!  
Ok, maybe the meds are talking. I'm taking off now. Thank you for the data. But somethings stinks in Dernmark, still. Someone here is an HYDRA spy. And I'm gonna fucking destroy it.  
(end of transmission)

##  
So, I'm in assistant duty. Of Director Coulson.

OK, I'm calm, I swear!

I've been recalled from almost all my other duties to assist Director Coulson for the next two weeks, starting tomorrow, to help him with the end of year reports. With his arm in a cast, and Mohinder as his motherhenning self, he can't type or check a lot of the experiments taking place at the Io base. So, I'm supposed to go in his place.  
The next two weeks are gonna be wicked!

##  
Interlude: The widow and hawk show!  
-So, how it is?  
-The popcorn? Too salty. You always over-salt it.  
-You know what I'm talking about. Have you hacked the intranet?  
-And I got us hooked. That's why I asked to bring the popcorn, OK?  
-Do you think Parkman will notice?  
-That man is too occupied making cow eyes to his husband to check every connection. And, remember, I'm...  
-...the widow, I know. Deadly, silent and all that jazz.  
-Nobody was asking you, «hawk».  
-Hey! don't diss my name, OK?   
-Bring the Coke and press enter. We have a lot to catch up to.

##  
It has been the most stressful ten days of my life. OK, we are not counting all the time we took in the trip to the Io base, but I was asleep for most of that. So...

Phil has been exceedingly polite and accommodating. It is very weird.

Is not because he is not polite most of the time; but something unnerves me. I don't now what it is. 

I'm in a recon mission along with Jemma and Steve to the ruins site; we need some photographs and Jemma needs more samples of the terrain. I am privy to the details of the previous mission because I need it to do this one. In normal conditions, I would never have this level of clearance.

That! That is the thing that bothers me!

I'm granted a level 7 clearance when in real life I have a level 4. Being the representative for my country has a lot of responsibility, but this is... I don't know. It's too much. 

It means that my life was revised and rechecked, and probably a lot of background checks were made on every statement of every thing I have ever said. 

And I was deemed worthy.  
My God, that's a lot of responsibility!  
I'm so proud of myself.

My relationship with the Director is weird. He is a fair boss, but strict. He had me all day yesterday going over old reports and quizzing me to see if I understand what we were looking for. I have him in a direct link just in case, but right now he is letting me fly solo.  
He recognizes my capacity.

OMG, that is so hot.

I mean... we've been pouring over reports and videos and tons of files alone most of the time in his office. The man has to be sick of me by now.   
But he is always nice. He bitches a lot, of course, but he is always courteous towards me. And he almost never touch me without asking. 

He must have read my file, of course.  
I touch him more, now. (Not like that!) But, touches to his elbow, a hand very ligthly at his shoulder, sometimes; and his forearm when we are talking face to face.   
I used to be a very tactile person.

I'm feeling like I am putting myself together again, from something jagged and broken.  
Like I am finally going over the bridge. Like, I really could leave my old life behind.

This is so weird. I mean, of course I have left my old life! I'm in space, in a mission out of one of my favourite space opera novels, with amazing people ...  
But this is the moment when I finally feel like myself. Another self, more adult, more wiser, with experience...  
I'm feeling like I'm going to be OK.

##  
The widow and hawk show: take 2  
-OMG, did you see?  
-What? I was getting your soda! You did swear you were going to wait for meeee!  
-I mean, look at those two. OMG, is astounding how in sync they are. You think she will be taking the steps?  
-She will be, if she wants something to happen. He is too old-fashioned to do otherwise.   
-But she wants him! Everybody can see it at clear as the sky!  
-This sky? You are nuts!  
-You know what i mean, jeez. He looks at her like she hung the moon, and he never touches her, like, at all.  
-Maybe he is shy?  
-Shy? After that kiss?  
-Well, but she was in a position of unable to give consent, she was on meds and with a concussion...  
-She kissed him!  
-And he let her, but it was just a kiss. That is not consent, or even a clear enunciation of intentions.  
-Hmmm... I see what you are saying. Do you think she has the balls?  
-She? Of course. Women have always more «balls» than men. We shed them every month, if you learned anything at the «safe sex» course.  
-OMG, that is soo gross, Tasha!

##  
He had called me to his office. It was... unexpected. I've had completed my assignment as his assistant, and have returned to my old duties. Safe but boring.

OK, it's never safe with scientist as Fitzsimmons and Stark.

But I haven't expected a summons to his office in any capacity.  
Unless... He KNOWS.

nonononononononono

He couldn't know. I've been so very careful of being “normal”.

And what if I do? No big deal! I will apologize if I made him uncomfortable, and own it, like the adult person I am. Adults get crushes all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything!

I enter his office. He is as always, polite and put together. He ask me to sit.  
-Miss Bongiovanni, I asked you to this... meeting, because I have two topics to adress with you. Or rather, one of them is a question. - He smiled.  
-This two weeks I had the pleasure of working with you, left me pleasantly surprised. Please don't be offended - he said, with a grimace.-You are 34 years old, but act like a younger person. I did not know if this kind of responsibility would be too much for you, but when Dr. Mohinder recommended you, I had to give him a chance. I respect his opinion a lot, you'll see.   
And after the medbay incident, when I was expecting at least an inquire from you, or a little gossip, you surprised me when you keep it under wraps. That decided me to give you a chance. And that's what I'm doing right now.   
I'm offering you a permanent status as Agent of SHIELD, the organization who is in charge of this mission, and a level 1 position.-

I am speechless. 

-Of course, you don't have to answer right now. Rest assured that SHIELD is very interested and will allow you some time to consider it. Within reason, there is that - he said, with a smile.  
-Will I have to work under your command?- I asked, almost stuttering.  
-I make you uncomfortable? Is not my intention, I assure you. If you prefer to work under another agent order's, we could always work something...-  
-Sir, I'm not saying that I don't want to work with you, I'm just... asking.  
-Yes, as the senior agent at the Io base, you will be assigned to work under my orders. - His face was blank.   
-Yo... Of course I want to... with you... For SHIELD!- I said, blushing.  
-Great! - he said. - I will have all the necessary paperwork rigth here. Sign at the dotted lines, please.  
-Were you so sure I was goig to say yes? - I said, as I signed like a millon times with an old-fashioned pen over old-fashioned paper.  
-We work well together. And I had a hunch - he said, enclosing the papers in a ledger. - This will be scanned, and I will have a copy send to your personal email. As soon I have the powers that be to recognized it and archived, you will be an agent of SHIELD. You will have to be taking some courses, but I think you will be fine. I don't expect you to be a field agent, nor at least we returned to Earth and you could be evaluated, but it pays to be prepared. Don't worry - he said, as I stand up from the chair, still in shock, - we'll be fine.  
He smiled at me one more time and I start walking around the corner to Steve's place. I really need a cup of tea right now.

##  
ENCRYPTED TRANSMISSION  
MISSION DIRECTOR EYES ONLY

YOUR PROPOSAL IS APPROVED.  
GOOD LUCK. I THINK YOU WILL NEED IT.


	4. Chapter 4

##  
We actually work really well! I was worried, you know. But my crush has dwindled to almost nothing. 

OK, no. Is more like an ember; glowing sure, giving me heat, and hope, and I get to work earlier. I'm happy to be next to him, to talk to him every day. And that's enough. I don't need for him to love me; I love him, and that makes me happy.

We share an office now. His office. They didn't predict the need for any more offices in the base, and I could have a coat closet (or similar) and not have access to the intranet, or we could share. He says he doesn't mind, and I take him at face value. I think he is not the kind of person to lie to my face. He's polite, but not a liar.

We have a party tonight! it's Fourth of July, Steve's birthday and a national holiday for some of my colleagues, so we are celebrating. We can't have fireworks, but Stark says that he rigged something up.(I'm scared!) So, we are taking the day of, and most of us are in the kitchen getting ready for the picnic in the Zen garden. 

Jemma and I are working hard at the potato salad. I love the German one, so I'm browning some bacon and drying it to go into the salad. Jemma is peeling potatoes and looking gloom. I ask her what's going on.

-Everything all rig...  
-Everything is Fitz fault!- She says, dropping potato skins everywhere.  
-He was always... so wary, so afraid of change! Now I feel like I don't know him anymore!  
-Jemma, what happened?

She looks at me, tears in her eyes.

-He said... he loves me.- OMG. Fitz has grow a pair at last!

-And that's... bad?- I say, grimacing.  
-It is! This could change everything! Do you know we are together since college, seven years ago? We started in SHIELD at the same time, as a package deal! And now he says he loves me? He is ruining everything!  
-Jemma...- I say, putting a hand in her shoulder - why are you so anguished?

She looks at me, the pain in her face clear as water.

-I don't feel the same...- she whispers.  
-Oh, Jemma, don't be sad. Can I hug you? - I ask.

She hugs me.

-You are not obligated to love someone back, even if they say they love you, OK? And in any case, you already love him, but not in that way, isn't it true?

She nods into my shoulder, tears getting my shirt wet.

-Let me tell you a secret, OK? But is a secret, remember that.- I say, looking at her eyes. Her nose is running and her eyes are red. She looks a little bit like Rudolph the reindeer.  
-I'm in love with someone, and they don't love me back. And it didn't kill me- I whisper.  
-Who?-she whispers back  
-Director Coulson - I say, dreading the confession.  
-Oh, everybody knows that, it's not a secret!- she says, smiling.  
-WHAT!- I scream, and all in the kitchen turn around to look at us. I blush, and grab Jemma by the hand and drag her to the side.  
-I didn't know you didn't know that we know, you know?- she says, apologetic smile in place- I assumed you were «owning it», like Antoine said.-  
-Oh my God, everybody knows?  
-Ehm...- she smiles, and I want to die.  
-That means he knows too!- I cover my eyes.  
-But, you are a class act, don't worry! Is not like you act like a she-beast when he is around...

I look at her.

-I mean, you are always offering something to eat or drink... I know you give him your share of the candy you received from home... And you always ask him to dance at every party... it is obvious.

I shake my head. I have to make a decision.

-Lets finish the salad, OK?- I smile  
-Are you owning it?-she says, as we walk back to the kitchen.  
-Yes - I said, confidence in my steps - I'm owning it.  
\-------------------------------------  
I wasn't «owning it» at all.  
I spend almost all my time with Bruce and the Parkman's at the picnic looking at Phil from a distance. A moment ago, when I was at the cooler getting a fresh soda he said to me something like «how it's going» and I stammered something and I was gone to my seat in a second.

The fireworks were nice. It weren't real, of course; Tony had rigged some holoproyectors to give the illusion on fireworks; but they worked and, at the end, he got them to spell «HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE» in red, blue and white.

I go to bed early. I can't get over what Jemma said. Have I been ridiculed by everybody at the base? Are they laughing at me every-time I blush? Is he laughing at me every-time I do something nice?  
I feel so foolish.  
This has to stop. Right now.

##  
The widow and hawk show: 3rd interlude  
-It has been weird this last week, isn't it?  
-Yeah... not a lot of action...  
-I heard you were having a really good time down the Stark's lab...  
-Don't be a dick, Tasha-  
-Really? That's your line? «don't be a dick??». Of course I'm not a dick. I'm your friend, and you know it. Is just... nice that you are getting some.   
-Are you jealous? don't be! You are always my number one choice!  
-I'm not jealous. I don't need to be, isn't it? Besides, that's not who we are, remember?   
-Yes, Tasha. I love you, you know that?  
-I love you too, my fool.

##  
INCOMING TRANSMISSION  
MDCOULSON  
LACAE-VP-EO  
(AUDIO TRANSCRIPTION)  
-Hello, Pepper, how are you? Is so nice to hear from you!  
-Hi Phil, I just wanted to say hello.  
-Are you in need to use all the minutes on your cell plan? I am flattered.  
-Don't be silly, Phil. You are my best friend. What are 2 mil a minute between friends?  
-Two mil? Oh my God, tell me Stark is footing the bill.  
-Of course he is. After all, we provided all your communication equipment, so, if we use some of the transmission range for other than secure, SHIELD conversations? Who would know? I know all the backdoors.  
Are you well, Phil? You look... tired.  
-Ah, nothing that couldn't be resolved with some R&R and a movie.  
-I hope you received my care package!  
\- I did! Thank you for the books and the candy. I'm finally the king of the barter system. You don't want to know how I abuse of my power.  
-Philip James Coulson, don't say that. I know you and you are a honeybear. So, tell me, what about the girl?  
-What girl? This mission doesn't employ any girls, thank God. Except for your boss, dear Tony...  
-You know what I talking about. That girl, Natasha?  
-Natalia. Natasha Romanov is the ambassador for the Russians.  
-So how it is with ... Natalia.?  
-Everything is good, thank good. We work well together; she will be a fine agent some day.  
(silence)  
-Pepper, you know is true. That's what I'm working towards to. I chosen her because of her skills, and that's all.-  
(silence)  
-Oh, OK, so this is a silence kind of game? Or maybe the transmission has stopped?  
-Phil...  
-What?  
-She kissed you. You kissed her back. Are you telling me that, in the month and a half we haven't talked, nothing happened?  
-Pep, I already told you: she had a concussion. She probably didn't know what she was doing!  
-And, I remind you, you have been writing to me everything she does: she leaves candy for you, unprompted? She is always super nice to you? That you wait for every party to have the chance to dance with her and hold her hand? That she makes you feel like an adolescent?  
-Listen, I know that you talk to Tony...  
-And I talk with Steve too, he is a better witness.  
-And Steve too. OK. But, you can go willy nilly believing every dumb thing they say.  
-Steve told me that she confessed to him she was in love with you.  
(silence)  
-She said...what?  
-That she was in love with you.  
-She can't be in love with me?! I could, I could be her father?!  
-And she could be your daughter. I you were a very very young father. But she is 34 years old, Phil. She's not longer a child.  
-But I'm ... old. And I'm balding.  
-But she likes you. What are you gonna do about it?  
(silence)  
-Nothing. I'm gonna do nothing.  
-Why? You told me you liked her since the first day!  
-But, I'm her superior officer! Of course I can't do anything about it!  
-Phil... If you really like her, you could step aside and ask María to be her SO.  
-Pepper...  
-Don't be scared! Is unbecoming of you. OK, my time is running short. Do something, Phil! You have the chance to be happy, don't be afraid to take it!.  
(end of transmission)


	5. Chapter 5

##  
the widow & hawk show: take 4?  
-So, Banner.  
-What with Banner?  
-Don't make me spell it. I thought that we shared everything! I'm mad with you and you know it!  
-Look, Natasha. Ours is not a conventional relationship. You have to stop with the surveillance.   
-I'd stop with the surveillance if you were honest with me. This was not the deal.  
-I'm not entitled to some secrets?  
-You don't get to change the rules of the game without talking to me first.  
-Listen, I had the chance and I took it. Not big deal, isn't it? We don't have sex and that's OK; but I need some kind of release! I'm a man, for God's sake!  
-No, what you are is a lying douchebag. Don't bother talking to me; we are through. I know were the door is.

##  
So, the last week around here was pretty quiet. We are almost at the end of the year; the Earth year, of course. And I'm pretty tired too. 

My lawyer enclosed some documents for me to read and send in the next databurst. I know what they are. 

My divorce is finally complete.

And I'm dragging my feet. 

Not because I still love him; even when I still do, the divorce is one of the best decisions of my life. Probably saved my life. I will never know, thank God.  
But I'm sad, sad, sad, sad. Is a mix of emotions.   
Failure, sorrow, anger, sadness, longing. And I'm feeling like my chest is filled with lead and I have to smile and every smile is killing me.  
Phil knows that something is afoot. He asked me at the day of the mail drop if I needed something; like R&R or maybe another assignment.   
He is an agent of SHIELD; of course he read my body language like a book. With big letters.

I've decided to take the day off. I open the file, read the statements, save a copy at my workstation and walk the distance to the office to print them and sign and scan my signature. 

Is three in the morning, Io time. I'm not expecting to cross paths with anybody.  
Of course, he is at the office.

-Natalia, what are you doing up so late? Is everything OK?- he says, getting up from his chair and coming my way.

I nod and plaster a smile in my face. Of course he is not fooled.

-What's wrong?- he says, grabbing my wrist. -Were you crying?-

He looks at me with so much kindness, a hint of sadness at his face. 

-I have to go- I say, turning around, the tears already falling down my cheeks.

He touches my shoulder, and softly turns me around.

-You are crying. Naty, what's wrong? Bad news? Are you family OK? -

I cover my face as I keep crying. I was always an ugly crier, but at least I could cry without a sound. 

-Let me hug you, OK? Everything is going to be OK. I will do everything in my power to help you. But you need to tell me what happened, please.

I cry. I cry, and keep crying in his shoulder. It seems like a long time, but it is probably just minutes. He is getting his shoulder wet, but he keeps on hugging me and rocks me and talks to me, even when I am not really listening. Finally, I raise my head from his shoulder.

-Can you get me a glass of water?

Of course, I hear he says, and I use that time to dry my cheeks and clean my nose, so I'm presentable when he comes back.

He gives me the glass and I drink to make time. He's looking at me with a weird expression; one I haven't see a lot on his face. Is like sad, but with a hint of something else.

-I got my divorce notifications this week in the mail- I say, at last. -I have to print them and sign them and scan them to send to Earth in the next databurst. It needs to be done tonight.

He looks at me, a puzzled look on his face.

-Are you regretting your decision?- He says. I cannot understand what he is trying to say, for a minute; then, the words rush in to my brain and I laugh, like a maniac.

-Are you crazy? Of course I am not regretting it!  
-So... why the waterworks? Wait, if we are talking, we'll need something like tea- he says, taking my hand and guiding me to a chair.-I'm gonna make some chamomile tea.  
-No, please, don't bother!  
-Is not a bother- He says. He looks like my father now; that look that says and you are gonna spill the beans, young lady, like my father could say.

So, when he comes back with the tea, I tell him everything.

##  
ENCRYPTED TRANSMISSION  
DIRECTOR COULSON  
IDENTIFICATION 6BETASIGMMA2014834481632CHERRYBLOSSOM480548  
TO: MELINDA MAY  
(audio only)  
-May, I hope this message founds you in good health, and, if I know you, you are surely terrorizing young agents all over the globe. I need a favor, a personal favor. I know that this is gonna cost me a lot, but this is very, very important. I promise to make it up to you as soon as I have the chance.  
Enclosed to this message, are two files. I need as much information about the two subjects and the nature of their relationship as you can find. This is off the book, total blackout. I need it ASAP. Thank you. I owe you a lot.   
(end of transmission)

##  
Life goes on. Or not. Natasha is looking every day more and more antsy; of course, this is not something unheard of in a deep space mission as ours; so, to break routine, the guys organize a party. Why? No good reason, of course. If you think stay sane is not a good reason.

I have a talk with Fitz and Tony. We take over one of the warehouses, half-full and waiting for the next shipment from Earth, and we transform it in a cinema. Bean bags and blankets wait in a corner; a sofa donated by Tony from his personal belongings occupy the center of the room. We draw straws to decide who takes the first turn.  
Skye brought us a lot of movies; Clint offers at least eight bags of popcorn; Phil donates a box of individual cocoa mixes. One bottle of good whisky and two movies later, almost everybody looks already more relaxed. 

Mohinder and Bruce think that all mission so away from home suffers from the same fate if they don't allow a healty R&R period. We are social animals and we need to disconnect from routine, so, this is the next best thing.

I've feeling better lately. Of course, I still have some waterworks not scheduled, but, for most of the time, I feel OK. Not out of the woods, yet, but getting there.

My relation with Phil, after the big reveal, thank God, hasn't changed a lot. He still talks to me like always. I've embarrased myself enough with this man; first the crush and now the tears! But I do my work, the best I could. So. I've started to think we could really be good friends. He makes me miss my dad.

I miss my dad a lot. He had the same patience with me, the same care with my secrets.

I've resigned myself to stay single. There is no one who I really trust with my baggage. 

OK, there is. He is not interested. Oh my, I feel like a dog with a bone; I can't really let go!  
I will ask him to kiss me at the next opportunity. He will let me down, classy as fuck, and with a clear rejection, my heart will rest in peace.   
I just need the right time to do it.

Am I crazy?   
I really don't know.

##  
ENCRYPTED TRANSMISSION  
DIRECTOR COULSON  
IDENTIFICATION 6BETASIGMMA2014834481632CHERRYBLOSSOM480548  
TO: VIRGINIA POTTS  
URGENT

Hi, Pepper. I hope you see my message and reply asap. I am at my wit's end. I'm feeling like I going crazy, having all this feeling and I can't talk to anybody here, because everybody here is a subordinate. I am crazy?  
I discovered... No, I have listened to her, firsthand, about her abuse. And that's what is driving me crazy. I want to kill people. You understand it, no? Just like the time Tony was abducted.   
I asked May to investigate as deep as she could. Because I know she didn't tell me the whole truth. And it's killing me. I doesn't have to make a difference, because is in the past, but this feeling is like burning.   
Is it normal? Did you feel the same??  
I don't want to go on a rampage; God knows I'm tempted. And May is awfully skilled at wetwork.  
Please write? I need some advice, and pronto.

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: PIZZADOG - TO:NRUSHMAN

Nat, please talk to me. I miss you a lot.  
We can make it work. I love you. You know that, right?  
I know you enjoyed the first Die Hard movie. I have the next 9 movies, we could have a movie maraton and I also have some Mars bars. I bartered with Coulson for them; I've to do inventory till next year. Next Io year, but still.  
Please?

##  
So, I'm testing some tech! Verrry interesting! I have some high tech jewelery, designed to interface directly with my brain. So far, it has not worked, but I'm hopeful! This is what the future tastes like!

I'm very uncomfortable right now. I'm at the medlab, with Mohinder checking my vitals at one side and Fitzsimmons testing a new kind of design(the first one was a helmet; the next one a headband and now I'm trying a pair of earrings and two bracelets). Skye is here, too. She looks kind of bummed? I think she hoped to be their test subject because she is our communications experts, but I think Fitz is still avoiding her since he admitted to her that he thinks her boyfriend is hot. OMG Fitz! he is such a kid sometimes. You have to own it!

At last, they set me free. I'm supposed to carry it everywhere for at least 8 hours to check how the interface works picking my orders. It works with doors, but for the time being, that's it. I've hoped to refrain of typing a report ever again, but maybe it needs a little bit more of tweaking.

That's how Phil finds me, cursing the damn jewels and typing my report to the higher ups. He brought coffee! I'm so happy, our coffeemaker is on the fritz and it seems like al the scientist at this base are all too occupied with “SCIENCE” to take a look at the poor coffeemaker. 

-Hey, are those the famous «high science jewels» that Fitzsimmons are so proud of?- He says, giving me a cup of coffe. He looks nice today, all crispy and proper.

-Yes- I say, inhaling the bitter aroma. My gut is like a storm of butterflies, and I know: is now or never.

-Do you mind if I see?- He says, and I get up from the chair and close the few steps toward him, as he puts his cup on the table. I smile, and he smiles as he get close to me and looks at the earrings. They are not, earrings in the strict sense of the word, but... Does that matter right now?. He looks at my eyes and I catch the hand closest to my face, the one touching my ear, and with a sense of dread, but a big dash of courage, say:  
-Can I ask for something? 

He smiles again.

-Of course, what you need?  
-Kiss me. Please.

He stills at that. His face goes blank and then reddens, and I know that I have made a mistake.   
I release his hand of my grip and lower my head in shame.

-I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. 

But then he takes my chin, softly, and instead of talking, kisses me.  
Is soft, and his lips taste of coffee, bitter and delicious. I close my eyes, and my hands grip his shirt as he grabbed my face between his hands.

An instant later, he stops the kiss, and I open my eyes.  
He looks into my eyes, deeply, and I don't know what he hopes to find.

-Can you kiss me this time?- he says, with a smile.  
I kiss him, with all my hunger.

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: NRUSHMAN - TO:PIZZADOG  
The only reason I forgive you is because we have... developments in the situation we were observing.  
Bring the Mars bars, I have the vodka.  
And don't be late.

##

ENCRYPTED TRANSMISSION  
DIRECTOR COULSON  
IDENTIFICATION 6BETASIGMMA2014834481632CHERRYBLOSSOM480548  
FROM: VIRGINIA POTTS  
URGENT

Phil, I'm sorry that I couldn't answer to your message before.There is some security issues at SI but don't doubt I'm worried for you. Please, I will attempt to establish a connection in the next hour. Be warned that I'll use a high velocity channel, that is not up to the latests security measures. Talk to you soon.

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: MSUE - TO:TOPCHEF  
Boss, Ms. Potts for you in channel 16. You haven't answered. Do I give her the boot? Do I ask if she wants to leave a message?

##  
The widow and hawk show...  
-I can't believe it...  
-Pay up! I told you the girl had the balls!  
-They really seem... invested  
(beat)  
-We don't have any sound, isn't it?  
-What a wasted opportunity! How I wish I was really a...  
-A spider, I know. I know, really! don't look at me with that face!  
I am sorry, you know. For not telling you. You were right.  
(beat)  
-I'm always right.  
-Tasha...  
-Shut up, and start to think how are we procuring the mikes to bug the Director's office.  
-Tasha, you are really one of a kind, did you know that?

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: MSUE - TO:TOPCHEF  
Bosss, Ms. Potts was really concerned? She did leave a message, but says she is available for connection for the next two hours. Everything OK? Don't forget is pizza night!

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: MSUE - TO: NEKO  
Naty, please tell Coulson that he has at least three pending messages from Ms. Potts, marked URGENT in his inbox. Are you down for some Cards Against Humanity after dinner? Tony, Mack and Bruce are game, and Fitzsimmons probably are, if they are done fighting before dinner. It's pizza night, girl!

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: MSUE - TO: NEKO  
You didn't come to dinner! Are you OK? Is the boss working you hard? Come on, tell the Director that a girl needs a night off some time... We are at the Cinema if you change your mind.   
PD: bring candy, I know you still have some. Don't be a sour patch.

##  
IMS-IB  
USER: MSUE - TO: TOPCHEF  
Please please please bossman, answer your damn messages! 

##  
-We have to talk.

I'm not the first one at the office, for once. He is sitting at his desk, a expression in his face like I never have seen before.

I sit, my cup at my right hand. I look at him. I move the cup farther away; today I'm afraid of my own clumsiness. 

He takes a breath; he looks at me and it's like he deflates, like a balloon. I stay silent; he stays the same. Finally, he sighs, gets up and walks towards me. Bends in one knee next to me an looks at me right in the eye.

-Last night was... - He sighs. -I can't do the Friends with Benefits things. If that's what you want, tell me, so I can assign you to another SO. 

-And if I want... something else?- I say, my voice trembling the tiniest bit.  
-I still have to assign you to another SO- He says, a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

I put my arms around his neck. I whisper in his neck:

-You are the only one to know how fucked up I am. Are you sure?

He softly kisses my temple.  
-I'm old and balding and as fucked up as you. I still want you at my side. Do you want me too?  
-It seems like I have wanted you since the first day that I meet you. How could I?  
-Good.

We stay like that, embracing, as my coffee grows cold and the messages ping at his workstation.

##  
ENCRYPTED TRANSMISSION  
MISSION DIRECTOR EYES ONLY

Phil, con-fraternization? Really?   
Congratulations, by the way. I know that your decision was not maked in a whim. Is just... I really thought that paperwork was your only love.  
Of course, Maria is her SO now. We will need a written statement from her and an independent one from an external party. I suggest Steve Rogers. He likes you, and it seems like he is fond of the young lady too. So, he will take care of both of your interests.  
Congratulations again. I know you will make her happy. And she will make you happy too.

NICK


End file.
